You will be criticized…
And you can’t do anything about it. But, you can do EVERYTHING about … not fcking care about the criticism. How?
Our brain is designed to judge. It decides very quickly what’s good and bad so we survive… it’s an automatic process. Our brain judges based on previous data and experiences (our upbringing, our beliefs, our culture…), you are judged by others and you are judging others as well. So far there is no huge problem here, right?
The problem IS when you wanna please others, avoid criticism and therefore you rather don’t choose your way.
As a mom, you’ll be judged for a million things. Everyone knows how to be a GOOD MOM (until they become one) and we face trillion things as expectations how to do it right.
If you choose breastfeeding, you’ll be judged for making your baby tied to you and putting your career aside. If you choose formula, you’ll be judged for not giving your child the liquid gold…
If you wanna stay at home with your kid(s) you’ll get the criticism around not contributing financially, if you go back to work you’re an ambitious bitch.
If you want to lose the extra weight you’ll be judged for being a selfish bitch who only cares about her body, if you don’t wanna bounce back you’ll get that you are a fat cow who neglects herself already in motherhood.
If you wanna spend some time alone and work on your dreams you’ll be the worst mom on the world who shouldn’t have birthed children. If you set aside your career and enjoy motherhood, you’ll be judged for loosing yourself and giving up your goals.
There is no win here… You can’t avoid critisism.
But you can totally WIN according to YOUR rules, in YOUR game.
Criticism hurts us, because we feel misunderstood and we feel that we aren’t part of the tribe - which is an elemental human need
More specifically it is NOT the criticism which hurts us, but our thoughts about it. “They don"‘t get it” “I’m alone in this” “No one feels the same way” “What if I’m truly a bad mom…” “Am I truly selfish…”
So trying to avoid criticism is a normal human reaction, but eventually void as criticism aka judging happens automatically. So focus rather on what you want to do about it. When you are aware of what’s happening you can consciously choose the criticism over disappointing yourself.
Choosing it not to stop you.
Choosing your way above pleasing others.
You won’t give a fuck about the criticism when you know it’s part of life and doesn’t mean anything more than others having different opinions. They can have different opinions.
You will be judged anyway so why not doing it your way?
I know I know… criticism can be extremely painful when it comes from our loved ones, but it’s still the same. Someone else having a different opinion and sharing it with you. You got to choose your way. It only hurts you when you believe that there is something wrong with you and maybe “they are right”.
What if they (it can be your husband or your best friend) can have different opinions and you can still love them anyway.
What if you can do anything you want, the way you want and you let others to have different opinions. Just like that.
It would bring more peace and confidence into your life.
Let me know where do you struggle the most with criticism?