The reality of becoming a mom

Let’s be honest. Let’s talk about THE truth, the whole reality.
What if we would break the silence, smash down the sugar-coated motherhood-picture and would start to be very real about how really motherhood looks like.

I believe this would heal all of us.

This would help also so many new moms. Because honesty helps us with being more prepared and supports us through the whole process, while sugar-coating is not only lying into our faces but also makes us believe that there is something wrong with US.

Becoming a mom IS an identity change and for many an identity CRISES.

Period.

It’s not only the babysmell and hugs and kisses… it’s also a deep transformation, a huge challenge, a sacrifice, sleeping deprivation, frustration, relationship-wrecking new beginning. It brings so much joy and so much difficulty.

Speaking about the downside not only helps YOU but every other mom who doubts herself.

Let me tell you first my own story:

I was so impatient to have our first child. We were married, already spent time together (just the two of us), travelling, enjoying life… so it was an immense joy to prepare ourselves for our baby’s arrival. I had an amazing, healthy pregnancy with no complications. I enjoyed nearly every minute of it. And then she arrived. I couldn’t sleep for 4 days (just like 1-2 hours) before giving birth because of the starting contractions so I arrived to the hospital already very exhausted.

After the birth I couldn’t sleep a minute again.. I was shaking from the exhaustion and I was begging to the nurses to take away my baby so I could sleep a bit. I didn’t want this new life. I wanted to turn back time and go back to “normal”.
I didn’t know back then that it was already PPD starting for me. Today I don’t want to dive into PPD, but rather into the reality of becoming a mother.

For me it was definetely more challenging because of PPD, yes, but also I must say I was very far from prepared.

• No one told me that sleep deprivation would nearly kill me and I would be frustrated all of the time.

• No one taught me emotional management so I was there alone with my storming feelings.

• No one painted a real picture about what motherthood looked like, so I was convinced that there was seriously something wrong with ME because I was fcking not enjoying it.

THIS comes back in my praxis as well. So many clients come to me with “there is something wrong with me, because…”
- I don’t enjoy being a mom
- I don’t feel the bonding
- I don’t enjoy playing with my baby 24/7
- I don’t want to have another baby
…
I already wrote several times about the SHOULDs and I’ll keep shouting from the rooftops: STOP SHOULDING YOURSELF. It all comes down again to … “in order to be a good mom I should…” Nope. You don’t.

It’s really up to us to become a mom who we want to be. It isn’t easy as we have those millions of expectations coming into our faces, but it’s totally possible.

Becoming a mom has been the most beautiful and the worst experience of my life. All in one.

Maybe it was not like this for you. Maybe it WILL be totally different for you.

But it’s 100% sure, that it is life-altering and transformational. It is an identity change where your priorities shift, where you might break into pieces but it’s also a great opportunity to prune and to rebuild those pieces.

Becoming a mom gives you power, responsibility and a bunch of opportunities to question what IS and to build what you WANT.

But those first weeks (or months)… when you’re fcking tired, you’re bleeding, you’re still on the hormonal rollercoaster… woah. And let’s be super honest, things actually change dramatically around you. You can’t go to have a shower as long as you want (well, you could but you won’t because the baby will scream and your insticts will drive you back), you can’t leave the house any time you want, you need to organise for being able to go your hairdresser or to anywhere. You feel constantly tired and you don’t have a minute to do things you enjoyed before. It will get better though :) However the beginning is rough. That’s the truth.

So how come that many women CHOOSE to have 2,3,4,5,6,7,8… children?

(Let’s not talk about musts, or any other creepy scenarios, but only who really choose it themselves). They do because they realize how their life is changing… and they are changing with it. They ride the waves. They choose to see the joy over the hardships.

And women who are one and done?

They respect their own choice, their own capacity, their own desires … maybe their own mental health as well.

Becoming a mom should not be part of women’s lives JUST BECAUSE. It always should be a free choice. A free choice of an adult woman knowing as much as possible of the reality.

When I became a mom, I started to deeply understand why people don’t wanna have kids. I would do it again :D but I completely understand those who don’t want this.

Motherhood is 50-50, just like life itself. Let’s stop covering the negative part and show off with the positive 50%.

When more and more of us talk about the real motherhood we not only help new moms, but also every mom who’s struggling at home alone thinking that she’s doing something wrong.

No my dear, it’s this fcking hard. Your experience is valid.

And not all of us are saints, or perfect insta mommies. It’s totally OK to figure out our own ways and become who we really want to be. For us and for our kids. Step by step.

We became moms the minute we gave birth, but we’re in the process of becoming THE mom who we want to be.