Are You a good mom?
It seems like everyone knows who is a good mom, how a good mom behaves, how she’s parenting, what she wears… Your mom, auntie Brenda, your neighbour, magazines, and everyone else on social media.
But. You are still questioning yourself. Maybe not specifically with “Am I a good mom?” question, but in reality that is behind all the guilt and self-doubt.
Am I a good enough mom?
If you ask your neighbour she might say that a good mom is who lives for her kids but takes also time for her husband and her house is always clean and esthetic.
Your mom might say that a good mom is who never complains and enjoyes being with her kids while also takes time for herself to be on the top of her game…
If you ask My mom, she would say that a good mom is who always prioritizes her kids and enjoyes being with them 24/7, doesn’t even think of work and sinks in babysmell for as long as it takes.
If you ask your friend who loves her job, she might say something else…
If you ask ME. I would say… a good mom is YOU. A good mom does whatever she wants and thinks that the best is for Her AND for her family.
The point is, that there is no ONE right way.
We could just fcking stop pretending that we know best or whoever knows better than you. How could anyone possibly know THE answer while we all are different, our babies are different, our priorities and life situations are different…
It seems that society just can’t stop vomiting all the expectations on us.
A good mom:
is breastfeeding but also goes back to work (WTF?)
enjoyes quality time with her kids but also has self-time
is thriving in motherhood but doesn’t lose herself in it
bounces back after giving birth, but doesn’t spend hours in a gym
stays with the baby as long as she requires but also contributes financially
and. so.on
WTF?
See? We face these type of paradoxes and expectations while trying to figure out our own ways. So OF COURSE you’ll question yourself.
OF COURSE you will feel self-doubt and will compaire.
The neuroscience behind it that our brain wants to stay part of the tribe, aka not having different opinions or different ways than the mainstream. It’s nearly impossible - looking at all those paradoxes,- but at the same time very challenging for the brain as it constantly monitors for “how to comply”.
So what to do?
Have this awareness. Have the awareness that you naturally want to comply with society’s expectations, with whatever your loved ones tell you… AND at the same time you are searching for your own way.
That shouldn’t be less important.
THAT should be also part of HOW you are mothering and living.
Because… there is NO ONE RIGHT WAY, so step up for your own desires and dreams and make it work for YOU.
People will judge, you won’t make happy all of your friends and neighbours with your choices (thanks God it’s not even your job) so just dare to ask yourself:
”What do I want to do?”
”How do I want to mother?”
”Who do I become as a mom?”
Dare to choose your way since there is NO ONE RIGHT WAY anyway.