How to survive a move with kids
As an exception, I share my recent personal story with you today.
Moving is complicated and with kids… even more.
Fact- We moved countries. We did the same beginning of last year (that time it was easier because we had a lot of help from our families) but this experience has been just much harder now.
Thought- It’s so hard and it’s testing my nervous system, and me as a mom and as a human being.
I share my very recent experiences with you and as I’m still in the midst of all of these changes, I’m sharing also what exactly I’ve been doing for staying sane.
Let’s start with a long vent about the moving itself. It. Was. A. Nightmare.
It all started on Monday morning. The moving company arrived on time with 5 men, I rushed to my in-laws with the kids to drop them off (with the kids around it’s so much more complicated yes) and returned to supervise and help with the packing. It was very tiring yes, but at the same time I still felt the excitement. Those guys were pros they did pack ALL of our stuff within one day. It felt like a small victory, a great start. In the evening we stayed in a great hotel in Budapest, the kids enjoyed the big suite, they were dancing and making fun in the salon still at 8pm. We were full of hope and anticipation. (Inspite of being tired I was still having positive thoughts about the whole moving)
On Tuesday we had a day free as the packing was already done, so the kids went to the playground with grandparents and we went back to say goodbye to our home and neighbours. After we kinda played tourists, ate streetfood and went to a nice park next to the hotel to meet some friends and family. All was good, all was exctining. Then Wednesday came, the day of the moving.
We were on time at the airport and the also our flight was on time. The first hickup was that my LO refused to nap (that was the reason that we picked THAT flight so he would for sure nap a bit during early afternoon hours but nope) and was screaming during the one-hour-flight. It was a “great start” since I’m extremely noise-sensitive. We booked a flight with transfer in Munich as the arrival time was much earlier like this (which you know how important is with small, tired kids)
When we landed the nightmare began. The pilot told us that we need to wait a bit since there is no one to unload the aircraft (“thanks” Lufthansa and the ground handling company) - no bus, no stairs, no ground handler. After like 10-15 mins we started to get a bit anxious and stressed since we didn’t want to miss our connection. Finally we got out and run to our gate. (it was not fun with 2 tired kids and fcking buses) At the gate I asked whether we would surely have our luggages since I saw that there was no one unloading the hold of our aircraft. The lady said something like “ Don’t worry no one’s luggages have been undloaded yet”- so I was kinda assured that they know about the situation and everything will be handled.
Again they took us by bus to the next flight (like WTF) where there was no airco and we nearly fainted (including my 21 month-old LO who tried to sleep in but was sweating like hell with literally red face). After boarding the pilot announced that we’re still waiting for other passangers and he can’t switch on airco until the engines start. So we were boiling there (literally and also theoretically). Long story short… the whole flight experience was terrible inspite of flying great airlines and having only 1-1 hour flights. You can imagine my state at arrival.
There and then I still managed to separate drama from facts in my mind, having compassion for myself and regulate my emotions fairly well.
We went to the belt to pick up our luggages and it turned out the plane didn’t bring ANY, so everyone went to the Lost&Found counter where we were told to FILL OUT A COMPLAINT… There I started to lose it. I was tired, I was in the middle of moving countries with two exhausted child and I had to do even some more extra… to claim our luggages. (very fcking apparently it was not a lost luggage, but no lugagges were loaded in Munich). We did fill out the complaint and went to pick up our rental car. There were some issues around the booking in their system, so while we were standing there 3 other guys got their cars already. I felt that I’m close to explode. I was incredibly tired and stressed out. And then I remembered that I don’t have now neither umbrella, nor sunglasses, and not enough diapers… and these small things suddenly seemed like a big deal to me and there I lost it, I started crying. I was not able to watch my thoughts which normally would calm me and would enable me to be rather the outsider in any shitty situation… but the thought-tsunami just sucked me in and I started spiraling.
So let’s jump to the part that we finally made it to the hotel. It was late, we were hungry and tired. We went down to the restaurant and ordered a bottle of prosecco. Slowly after the kids were already in bed I started to feel more calm. (far from not frustrated at all, but felt better already)
On Thursday we called the customer service like 50 times and got conflicting or NO information at all. We knew (and was confirmed) that we’re entitled to buy things which will be reimbursed, but F, we didn’t have extra hours to do shopping, so we went to a hypermarket to buy some essentials and warmer clothes (thanks to the Belgian rainy and cold weather) not mindig quality nor our style… That day I saw our new apartement for the first time, it was truly beautiful. I felt a tiny bit better, more hopeful. While we were handling all the stuff around getting the keys etc, the kids were outside playing on a playground with grandma. Suddenly the big clouds turned even darker and a huge storm came with heavy rain. I dropped everything and run (literally) in the rain to pick up the kids. They were already standing under a huge tree which mostly protected them from the rain. I started to panick again, felt frustrated and thought that this whole fcking moving was cursed.
In the afternoon we went to look for wardrobes and additional stuff for the appartement. We still haven’t got any news when exactly we would have our luggages only that normally they supposed to be already in Brussels. (thanks) I felt really bad in my (very same) dress with a terrible jumper on it and couldn’t wait to sit down to rest a bit. FINALLY we got the news that they confirm that all of our luggages are there at the airport, but can’t tell us when they would be delivered. So we chose rather the option to pick up ourselves. We went there.. and the lady pointed us towards a room FULL with luggages. Like… we had to dive in and search for them. It was comical and frustrating at the same time. No one even checked that we ended up picking our own luggages, but anyway we were just happy to finally have our own stuff and leave the airport behind.
I started to hope that finally things turn around, get straight and now it will get easier.
On Friday in the morning we woke up to terribly dark coulds and soon a kinda monsoon arrived with so much rain which I haven’t even seen in Belgium before. That was the day of our moving in to the new apartment. I was shocked to even imagine how wet all of our stuff would be. We said goodbye to the kids who stayed at the hotel with grandma and rushed to the apartment.
(In Belgium the moving companies are equipped with special cars which have lifts to handle all the packing through the windows. Therefore it has a whole process to reserve parking spots in advance and then making sure the moving can go smoothly).
We arrived Friday morning in that terrible weather in front of the house just to realise that there is no mark to reserve the spot for the truck and for the lift. We got out of the car and the big truck with all of our stuff was already standing there. There were 2 guys. TWO! sent by the moving company to handle all the packing. (we had 5 doing it all back home) There again I was very close to lose it. I started to hyperventillate as I saw the worst case scenario in front of me where we won’t be able to finish that day and my husband would leave on Sunday and I would be there to handle the moving and the school-entry parallel. My brain freeked out.
Then I reminded myself that I can’t do much more (I was nudging my husband to make phone calls and demand extra help) and I started to focus on the next step. These 2 guys were extremly helpful and my husband also packed himself. I was in the apartment and started the unpack the boxes as soon as they were inside. One by one, starting to figuring out also where I wanted to put things. Normally it would be these guys unpack the boxes, but we wanted to finish asap so we worked pretty hard ourselves too. We literally didn’t sit down all day at all and like that we finished with everything by 5 pm.
We went back to the hotel to pick up the kids and take them out for dinner so grandma can sooth her nerves. I was very easily irritated and short tempered (poor kids), my nervous system was already kinda broken. (at least felt like that).
On Saturday we finally moved out of the hotel and in to our new home. We still encountered challenges, we still don’t have all furnitures, I still need to take deep breaths… but now it feels manageable.
Ok so this was a long vent :D
I don’t know how I would have reacted if I couldn’t have soothed my own nervous system. I would have been definitely locked away, or would have run away. I was very tired and my nervous system was attacked several times a day. It was extremely challenging to keep up also with the kids and to try not get even more irritated with them. I wanted to be there FOR them through these changes but first I needed to take care of myself.
The 2 things that helped me the most was
focusing only on the very next step
focusing on myself, on My nervous system
You know they say also on board to put your own oxygen mask first and then assist others.
It was so so true during these tiring days. I needed to calm myself first even if it meant to step outside for a moment, to take a 2-min-walk, to drink wine in the evening, to have a bath after the packing….
It seems now a bit weird as I teach my clients how NOT to drink or eat but rather FEEL their feelings, but it was just so much at once that I chose temporary solutions to survive. (I don’t recommend alcohol to cope with problems, especially not for long-term).
It has been a series of punch in the face, but now things get a bit calmer. My conclusion is that moving with kids is FCKING EXTRA HARD so make sure you take care of yourself too and get as much extra help as you can.
Because you also need to take care of them, you can’t just relax at the end of day but need to parent and convince them to go to bed and wake up at night as needed…
Here are my 3 best tips to survive a big move with kids:
Have a luggage with you with all essentials and extra diapers/kids’entertainment
Have a generous timeline (if possible) because the extra stress is not needed
Take grandma/grandpa/a nanny/a friend with you- You will need extra hands and someone who can supervise the kids while you have a million things to handle
No one knew these hickups upfront, although we thought it would be challenging because of the timeline. I was constantly coaching my own brain and tried to manage my reactions to the circumstances. When I just lost it… I had compassion for myself and focused only on how to gain back my energy and how to calm my nervous system.
How can You apply this in your life?
How can you take care of yourself first in the midst of hardships?