The double standards of motherhood
It’s no wonder we can’t win. So what the F to do?
So let’s start with naming a few of these double standards. I call them now double standards because they are conflicting expectations so they weigh on us as double forces to tear us apart…
Go back to work asap - Stay at home with the baby
No explanation needed. Contribute financially but also stay at home during this first period as that’s the best for your child. Work but don’t put them in daycare… and similar
Your pregnant body is a miracle - Your mom body is disgusting
How amazing your body is to create a full human. But then… hide all the signs of ever being pregnant.Bounce back - You go to the gym while someone else is watching your kid?
You need to get back in shape but then if you do go to the gym you’re a selfish bitch who hires a babysitter for such a fancy selfish activity as exercising.
4. Have selftime - Don’t trust anyone with your baby
It’s so important to have time for yourself and to recharge.. and selfcare..and blabla… but then don’t trust anyone with your baby… how can you just leave your child with basically a stranger?
5. Have selftime - Don’t take time from your kids
It’s so important to have time for yourself and to recharge.. and selfcare..and blabla… but don’t you dare to take time when you could be with your kids… so plan for selftime which shouldn’t be too long to hurt any time with the kids..so 5 mins would do.
+1 Enjoy motherhood 24/7 but don’t lose yourself in motherhood
Which one is your favourite?
And this list is obviously not exhaustive.
So what can we do about these conflicting standards?
First of all TALKING about these, sharing our experiences and normalizing to NOT buy into these. Let’s strengthen our beliefs in our own choices.
“No, you are not a bad mom for going back to work…”
“No, you are not a bad mom for taking time for yourself”
“No, you are not a bad mom just because you don’t enjoy motherhood 24/7”
AND as we can’t win either way …right? Because there will be surely right the opposite what we SHOULD do…or some impossible standards…
We can just decide that we’re winning anyhow. We’re winning by choosing our way and trusting our own decisions.
I’ll keep shouting this from the rooftops:
There is NO ONE RIGHT WAY of mothering.
What’s great for someone else might not be the best way for you, what’s working for you might not fulfill someone else. And that is OK.
Expectations exist. A lot of these double standards exist. What’s more important is what we do with them.
Do you want to comply or not?
Which way would you like to CHOOSE or explore?
What’s the best decision for YOU NOW?
It’s 100% in your power how you react, how you deal with certain expectations.
It takes a lot of confidence, courage and self-recognition.
If you’re THERE already, congratulations, keep going and lift others up to that level!
If you’re struggling with these, reach out to me and we will get you there.
Have a beautiful week and TRUST your gut!