Modern moms’ problems nr 1

->LACK OF SUPPORT

Let’s start here: the problem is NOT you. You’re not weak.. or definitely NOT not cut out for motherhood. Being a mom is hard, full of responsiblities and yes it’s tiring and demanding. We were never meant to do it all alone without support.

They are talking about the village it takes to raise children… but we don’t have a village. Most of us don’t even have grandparents nearby. So what is reality?

Reality is that most families live far away from the big family (grandparents, aunts, cousins), and/or grandparents are not present in their supporting role (for whatever reason, I don’t discuss these now in details), and/or we’re mostly isolated in our own little world, even our best friends live far away. This scenario is not exceptional, it’s kinda “normal” nowadays.

But. The demanding role of being a mother didn’t become easier with time (yes thanks we have machines…)

Being a mom is HARD and moms are mostly still the default parents who have to deal with it all when shit happens, even if they are tired or sick…
It is very exhausting

• physically

• emotionally

• mentally

What kind of a huge change it would mean physically:

• if you could sleep longer because there is someone to take care of the baby…

• if you could go for a walk, to the gym because there is someone who pops by for an afternoon

What kind of a change it would mean emotionally:

• if you could have a break and check in with yourself how you feel

• if you could have datenights regularly so you don’t just argue or talk about kids’ stuff

• if you could recharge yourself by things you love doing so you’ll have more in your tank to give

What kind of a change it would mean mentally:

• if you could just plug out and don’t feel that huge responsibility for a sec

• if you could do something regularly that lights you up intellectually

• if you could escape the overstimulation and take care of your nervous system regularly

• if you could count on someone to come and help

…

We don’t have that village which supposed to be there to support us, to help raising kids. We feel alone, isolated and overwhelmed.
Being a modern mom means we’re connected through technology but still we feel disconnected from our community. We often don’t know our neighbours very well, we don’t have many friends living nearby and we have a hard time making new friends.

So yes, modern motherhood can feel lonely.

The problem is NOT you. It’s the lack of support.

We don’t have that village. So what now?

It is the reality for many of us, but complaining about this will only help us a tiny little bit to feel less alone in this hardship.

Our best shot is to

1) CREATE a support net for ourselves, that at least a bit can help with the challenges

2) accept and respect who we are and make decisions accordingly

I’ll now start with the second quickly because I’ll go into the depth of it in my next blogpost when we will uncover the second biggest problem and the solution.

So how accepting and respecting your true-self can help with having more support?

When you accept that you don’t like being with your kids for example 24/7 and you respect that part of you, you can simply look for a nursery earlier or hire a full-time nanny. You don’t force yourself into being a sahm if that is simply not for you.

Or let’s take another example. When you accept that you thrive on local support and community, you reach out to local organisations or create a community yourself.

Or… when you face the reality that you’re abroad without family, you accept, respect your decision and don’t let family pressure you in any ways but hire chosen support in your chosen life.

How to create a support net for Yourself?

Which was supposed to be that promised village…

This list is not exhaustive but helps you to think outside of the box:

1. hire a nanny (full-time help or several hours per week)

2. hire a babysitter (part time help, occasional help)

3. join support groups

4. join clubs/memberships

5. co-babysit with your friends

6. explore local communities (communal, church, parent support non profit organisations)

7. …

The way you pick is Yours and no one should make you feel bad about it. Your support net should be a real support FOR you, whichever you pick.

Most importantly you need to be able to ask for support, to ask for help.

It’s always an act of strength and not weakness. Reaching out for support is always an empowered act to create improvement in your life.

You’re not weak if you feel it’s too hard to do it all alone. You shouldn’t do it all alone.

Don’t feel guilty to hire a babysitter, don’t feel guilty to hire any help. Don’t feel bad about having a conversation with your partner about fair-share and support.

Motherhood wasn’t meant to shrink you.
You shouldn’t feel alone and isolated.

Ask for help, hire help, reach out to communities. We need each other, we -women- thrive on support.

One more thing about making friends (since I’m often asked...)->

I’m naturally good at connecting with people and my jaw always drops when moms are confessing that I’m the first one who they talked with on that playground or opened up about a different topic than kids’ stuff… It happened several times.
I see them, and I see how amazing and fun they are. Somehow we just lost our capabilities and courage to “make friends”. It doesn’t have to be this way. Start that conversation, offer a coffee meetup, join meetup groups. Mom-friends can make a big difference too.

I’m also here to support you in modern motherhood. You can book your free consultation HERE and let me support you to create a more joyful and empowered life.