The 3 top things which re-created me and can help You

I now help moms to recreate themselves and enjoy their new identity as a mom.

No, you don’t need to become a totally different person, you will become more who you really are. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to, but got to do everything you truly want.

You won’t want to have your old life back but you will flourish and enjoy your life as you want it to be.

It doesn’t matter if you are a first time mom or having several children, in every case there is an identity change.

You shift from one role to the next one. And it is never easy, but there is nothing wrong with that.

The most important that you give yourself time to check in, to grieve, to feel any feeling and let yourself find your new balance in the new life situation.

I share my 3 top tips with you which will make a huge difference and can help you get energised, focused and balanced wherever you are.

I never expected PPD to hit, I was preparing for my first baby, I didn’t have high expectations, I thought I was old and capable enough. I was not prepared for that fatigue. I was not prepared for the hormon rollercoaster. I was not prepared for that burden of responsibility. To be honest, I don’t think you can prepare yourself for these.

However instead of getting better from baby blues it turned into real depression where I felt hopeless and agonized. I lived the same boring and scary days over and over where I cried a lot, felt isolated, felt ashamed and couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I was deep down and desperate. Finally I reached out for help and coaching changed my life. I want to share now the 3 top things which helped me not only out of depression but gave me new goals and true joy in motherhood.

If you focus on these 3 things you will get energized and inspired like never before and you will feel better no matter how dark you see at this very moment.

As I said shifting from one role to another is hard and change is always difficult. And it’s ok, but it does matter how you prepare yourself for this change and how quickly you can adapt.

You can stay where you are, fighting the change and the suffering will be inevitable or you can go with the change and recreate yourself in the new identity.

There are 3 ways which will help you to go with the change and use this moment of your life to create something more and better.

  1.  Setting goals – taking action

When you focus on what you want, you give yourself purpose. You don’t have to find your purpose, you can give it to yourself. When you allow yourself to dream and set goals – no matter how big or small they are -you become energized and inspired. You create that energy in your body with your own thoughts. You make plans, daydream, make your first steps and with taking action you will actually feel empowered and in control which is exactly the opposite of feeling powerless and lost which is so common during the new-mom-period.

It can be literally anything you want. You can go big and plan your business or return to work or you can start small and plan your days, committing to fitness goals or a new hobby. It is absolutely up to you, but don’t be afraid to strech your comfort zone.

When I finally shifted my focus from what the hell I’m doing here/ how bored and useless I am/ to - what do I really want? What do I really need? What would make me enthusiastic? – I felt better and joyful – just by allowing myself to think and plan for myself without baby/family focus.

2.     Acceptance – first step to recreation

Accept the reality. Whatever that is, no matter how dark and challenging it appears. If you fight the circumstances, you will lose and will suffer. Nothing has gone wrong and there is nothing wrong with you.

When I fisrt truly believed it and stopped fighting my situation everything felt lighter and brighter.

I accepted I needed help and also accepted that this whole new mommy thing didn’t turned out to be rainbows and butterflies. Instead of fighting and shaming myself further why it was happening to me I started focusing on the future, on goals, on solutions. I was more open to go to playdates, search for a nanny, sign up for a coaching program.

It all started by accepting what happened.

By accepting that life is 50-50 and it’s ok.

By accepting that we all are different and I don’t have to be a certain way of a good mom.

By accepting that there are shitty days and crying days.

By accepting that feeling anything is scary but managable.

By accepting that nothing has gone wrong and I am doing my best.

3.     Self-Care

The last tip I have for you is to be super self-centered especially in the fisrt few weeks of the change. Your natural reaction as a mom is to serve and to care for others. You get extra hormones to be able to go with less sleep, you get extra boost for taking care of your baby even if you are like a zombie. Time flies and you get frustrated and angry and can feel easily trapped and isolated.  If you and your partner can focus on your self-time from the very beginning it will help a lot to create your new balance. You can start it any time.

Spend time without your baby. Ask for help, leave your baby with someone who you trust and do whatever you want alone. Have a massage, a facial, a walk, a chat with a friend. It doesn’t matter at all what the activity is, the most important is that you can be away from home for a certain period of time.

You heard hundreds of times that you can’t pure from any empty cup. Well it’s true so there is never too early to start filling your own cup as well.

When I finally released guilt and went to have a weekly massage, went back to the gym once a week or just got out of the flat to have a walk alone, I felt instantly better, ligther.

The best if you create a self-care routine for yourself,  just some simple  rules that you can commit to, so even if life happens and you don’t think you have time, you will get already into the habit doing those things regularly.

First and foremost, know that you are not alone, many moms go through this even at this very moment.

Any kind of change is always hard. It’s ok to feel lost and feel the earth trembling. Just know that on the other side you will get out stronger and more resourceful. There is a solution and you will feel again energized, enthusiastic and happy. I promise.

Tell me how you could implement the 3 steps in your life. Share one action item, one thing that you are ready to accept and one way of taking good care of yourself.

Hugs,

Eszter