How to balance it all?
The BIG question for us women: How to balance family and career? (and all others on the top)
It seems like we just can’t win. If you focus on your career then you’re called out for being an ambitious bitch who neglects her kids. If you take a break from work and decide to be a stay at home mom, then you’re called out for wasting your college degree and not contributing financilly. You know story, the list goes on…
So what we try is balance it ALL - even if it seems impossible, even if it feels like it’s breaking us.
You try to be everything for everyone and then juggle it all to not to have to put aside anything. The biggest problem here is that you don’t do these consciously but you’re doing it by default because of social programming and external expectations.
That is the problem.
Not the tasks or the work or how many kids you have.
Think about it for a minute. Let’s say there is a mom of 2 who also has a career and LOVES it all. She doesn’t want to stay at home and she doesn’t want to skip quality time with her kids. She DECIDES to respect her dreams and capacity and builds a business (or has a part time job) which allows her to also spend more time with her kids. She intentionally says NO time to time and creates a life where her needs are also met. Sometimes it flows well, sometimes not, but she knows she is doing her best and doesn’t mind rechecking with her desires and state. She doesn’t feel out of balance just because there are several things and people needing her. Why?
Because
She CHOSE this way of living, she isn’t in victimhood but looks for solutions
She respects her own desires and questions society’s expectations
Let’s see the same set up but in this second version the mom tries to juggle it all, has a hard time to say NO and she constantly thinks she can’t win and is just always drowning and feels exhausted. She tries to comply with her family’s expectation and be there always for them and at the same time she’s afraid to say NO at her workplace. She doesn’t hire a nanny because it’s her duty to be with the kids, and she doesn’t fight for part-time option either because she doesn’t want to lose her job. She rarely has selftime and doesn’t even ask herself what she would truly want. She always feels out of balance and exhausted. Why?
Because
She is in victimhood, blaming all the circumstances why she feels out of balance
She never questions the expectations and checks in with her own desires
She thinks she doesn’t have a choice or any solutions
Don’t get me wrong. Of course it’s not this simple. It is highly simplified. But you get the point.
It matters what you think about yourself and about your choices.
Do you HAVE TO balance it all? Or do you CHOOSE to balance it all?
BTW our world is fucked up of course. I’m not saying for a minute that standing up for what you want in a partiarchal world is easy. Or that you won’t face a bunch of inner resistance… You will.
In our world where this question: “How do you balance it all?” get asked only from women…well, that’s already part of the answer.
IT IS HARD, YES. You are not weak or have any problem with your resourcefulness or creativity. But it IS possible to balance it ALL if you want. It might seem like you’re losing one or two balls here and there but you can always come back to balance.
That is the secret I think.
Balance is not constant. Balancing is an art, that you’re doing.
If you’re doing it willingly and consciously then it can create an amazing life for you.
If you’re doing it by forcing yourself it only creates suffering and exhaustion.
So how to balance it all?
First of all define what ALL means for You
Question every single thing on your list. Are you sure You WANT that or do you only want to comply?
Get realistic. How much time do you WANT to spend with those and plan your calendar (if you haven’t yet please go to the homepage and download my free scheduling guide for moms - NOW!)
Forget the idealised BALANCE, where there is no hickup or plan B
Get creative. Ask your brain positive questions: How could I ….spend more time with my kids? How could I… exercise 3 times a week? How could I…have regurarly free time?
DECIDE that you can feel balanced. You don’t HAVE TO do anything, remember, you are always CHOOSING to do things.
Get ready to delegate and prioritise. Nr 3 will show you black and white what is realistic for Your week. Get resourceful and don’t be afraid of exploring ways of building your own village (friends babysitting, nanny, cleaning lady, house manager, order food, order groceries, online yoga… )
This is a PLUS One - hire a coach who will support you on this journey and ensures you get all the support and tools to create the result you want
It is fact that women face a lot of unfairness and occasionally even discrimination. The promised village is nowhere and nowadays most live far from their families and there is little to no help from grandparents.
Focusing on what we can’t control won’t help us though at all.
We can’t change the world in an instant, but we can totally change our world and that will eventually catalize the change of the WORLD.
It’s OK if you’re blaming patriarchy and the unfair situations for women.
It’s Ok if you feel resentment because you experience discrimination as a mother.
It’s OK to feel out of balance time to time because you lost your focus and your just need a break.
It’s OK to feel angry or disappointed because you don’t have a support net.
But indulging in these emotions won’t take you forward. Focus on what you CAN control and you’ll create your balance.
Please remember, you can always recreate YOUR WAY OF BALANCE (which maybe has nothing to do with a constant flow)
When you feel out of balance, step back, take a deep breath and ask yourself “WHAT DO I NEED NOW?“ “How could I feel more balanced?”
I could of course connect to my feminist side and write a long blogpost about how fucked up our patriarchal world is and how impossible it seems for women to navigate life these days, but that won’t help us with the solution. As a coach it is my duty to encourage you to find the answers in YOU. I truly believe that you can totally balance it all if you get super clear on what you want. Then you’ll also find the resourcefulness for actually creating it. I believe in You.