Overstimulation is real and not overreaction
Have you felt already that in the middle of the chaos you just completely lost it? You just stepped out of the situation? Couldn’t handle another tantrum, couldn’t gentle parent anymore and you literally felt like you reached a certain limit?
Well, I did too.
And that limit may be diffent for all of us, but it exists. You are not crazy.
You see the primal goal of your brain is to protect you. Everything she does is for your survival. Your brain works very hard every single day to make decisions, to run your body, to send signals, to plan and to predict… every one of us has a super computer like that. Fascinating, isnt’t it?
Well, the important part I wanna discuss today is how your brain functions in a specific situation when it gets just way too much stimuli. (I’m not a neuro scientist, I’m only interested in these and read about as much as I can)
Imagine that a human brain in general works incredibly hard to do its job and then look closer at this brain which is your mom-brain in that specific situation.
Your kids yell or fight (or both)
You haven’t eaten or drank enough water lately
You haven’t been in silence for hours
There is a mess in the house
You hear dogs barking, sirens screaming
You try to handle some school stuff for your kid on the computer (you try to focus)
and then one little thing happens. Your little one breaks something or your order doens’t go through… whatever really.
You lose it. You start crying, yelling or just run to your room to be alone for a moment.
Why?
Because you are overstimulated.
Your brain wants to freeze or to flee. Total normal reaction of the brain. Your emotions take over and when emotions are high your intelligence is low. Again, completely understandable.
I’ll write another blogpost about HOW TO PREVENT OVERSTIMULATION, but for now, let’s release the pressure of you that there is something wrong with you if you feel overstimulated.
That you shouldn’t.
That you should be able to calm down.
That you should be able to handle it all.
That you would be a bad mom if you wouldn’t gentle parent 24/7.
Well some parts of it now is my personal opinion, but the fact is that our human brain can be overstimulated. The brain receives too much information to process. It becomes overloaded.
It’s also a personality thing. You can be a more sensitive person or someone who is just sensitive to noise, to lights… It’s OK to feel that it’s too much. (Sensory overload can be felt more deeply by those who have conditions such as PTSD, anxiety, depression, autism or other neurodivergent conditions such as ADHD or those who are Highly Sensitive People.)
Experts discuss sensory overload and suggest that even the brain structure can be different for those who experience sensory overload more often and more deeply. (Nope, it doesn’t mean there would be anything wrong with your brain)
But let me tell you this: I would like to see any adult human being be with their kids all day long, listening to their screaming, yells, not being able to go to toilet on their own, take a shower or eat a warm meal sitting… and stay patient and feel only joy and peace through the whole day. It sounds irrealistic.
Don’t pressure yourself with this irrealistic expectation.
Sometimes it can be too much, yes. So what? (I promise I’ll write about solutions too)
The most important part where I’m heading now is when you’re overstimulated the solution is also first of all about YOU.
Calming your nervous system
Giving you a break
I just read an article where the researcher suggests in case of overstimulation to “identify your triggers and either address or avoid them” (LOL) So… am I supposed to avoid my kids or convince them to shut up? 😁 Sounds realistic to me…
I’m a coach so I walk the talk, meaning I do self coaching to improve my own life. When I’m that overstimulated coaching doesn’t work though. Or rather I don’t have the capacity to connect with coaching. My brain is not ready to observe my thoughts and use the coaching tools, because it is already overloaded. First of all I need to take a deep breath, calm my nervous system so my brain is in the state to receive the coaching.
I saw on my clients how they pressured themselves to handle parenting better while they were still in the trenches.
They expected themselves to gentle parent, to shine as a mom without taking care of themselves too.
Overstimulation is not overreaction.
If you experience overstimulation, first just take a deep breath, try to find a few moments in silence and use a mantra that helps you focusing on youself.
If you can, walk away, (put your babies in a safe place) and take a few deep breaths. Don’t forget you also have to take care of the mom of your children so after the children can be taken care of!
If you’re less overstimulated, you feel the pressure easing, then you can watch your thoughts…
Why did I become so frustrated?
What’s triggering me?
What is my expectation here which isn’t met?
How is this perfect? (it can be tricky but is an amazing question in any moment)
But first, just know, that you are not crazy, you are not a yelling person, you (most probably) don’t have anger management issues, you are “just” overstimulated.
I hope it helped you feel less crazy, guilty or a bad mom. Make sure you’re on my email list so I can directly send you weekly motivation and some support. Head to the homepage and sign up or download the Busy Mom Free Guide.