How to find yourself in motherhood?
It sounds like as if you would have lost yourself. And in reality… yes it can totally feel like that.
I remember how stuck and lost I felt in the beginning. It all felt like a nightmare to me. I was Fcking tired, depressed and I was expected to take care of that little helpless baby. I did. Even if I didn’t know what the F I was doing as we don’t get to go to a “momschool” to learn all the things… but I was doing it all anyway. That’s who we are, moms. We’re just doing it. We’re doing it while being exhausted, anxious and overstimulated.
I first felt stuck because I didn’t know how I’m gonna ever feel less tired and more joyful again.
Time went by quickly and I got a better grip on things, breastfeeding went better, I also already started to work with my coach at that time. But I still felt stuck because I couldn’t imagine what my life could look like in 2 months or 6 months… I was just surviving day by day.
Finally I felt that I was growing into that identity of a MOM, but then the question started to be louder and louder in my head…:
Who am I now apart from being a mom?
My old identity felt millions of kms away. I tried to do some of the things as before: going to the gym, reading my fav books, chatting with my friend (which all helped A LOT), but still I felt lost, confused.
I was supposed to go back to my corp job and I couldn’t imagine how to focus again on projects and negotiating big $ contracts. It felt soooooo far away.
So I came to the conclusion, that there was something wrong with me.
Since I was seeing the examples around me how it’s possible or even “normal” to bounce back, to go back to work and continue life, I was pushing myself hard to do that myself.
Think about it… what do You see as an example around you?
What do you think moms should do?
What do you expect from yourself?
I didn’t feel good in my new identity. I felt like I was failing as mom because I put my baby in daycare. I also felt that I was failing in my job, as I couldn’t be as dedicated and organised as before becoming a mom. (#mombrain)
Most importantly I didn’t feel good, because I was not letting myself figuring out who I wanted to be.
I was looking at the past and at the current expectations, how a “good mom” should be. I never asked my future-self (I didn’t even know the concept of FUTURE SELF) what I wanted.
I had ZERO future focus. I didn’t have plans or big dreams.
My plan was to go back to “normal” and balance it all the best way I can.
Do you have plans?
Do you allow yourself to DREAM about anything you want?
Do you question the current situation - and ask yourself whether this is really what you want?
It all started to shift for me when I started to open towards possibilities. When I stopped beating myself up for not being a “good enough mom”, and stopped tring to comply with all the rules.
I went to the gym frequently, I started to learn new things (that was the time when I dived deeper into coaching) and I started to dream about different possible options. I allowed myself to consider different scenarios. I started coaching others and I also felt so much better with my babygirl when I dropped so much of the “must”s like when and how much I should be with her.
For you it can look totally different. Maybe you love your job. Maybe you love being a mom already but feel lost as You.
The point is… you can find yourself in motherhood when you drop the “how you SHOULD be” and also start planning an exciting FUTURE where you allow yourself to figure out who you WANT to be.
Because guess what, you’re not lost, you just feel lost because you pressure yourself with all the expectations.
Allow yourself to figure out who you want to be now.
Allow yourself to be different, to revise your choices, to make new decisions.
Because we instinctively focus so much on “being a good mom” that we forget ourselves. And being a good mom is not more than being your happiest, true self who knows the best for her child. I love the saying “happy mom happy baby”. I find it 100% accurate.
You’re a wonderful mom. You are also more than a mom. You’ll find yourself in motherhood when you look at yourself as such: more than a mom.
You can be an amazing mom and dress hot.
You can be an amazing mom and change career.
You can be an amazing mom and work in your demanding job.
You can be an amazing mom and do whatever the F you want.
Don’t put yourself into a box. You are an amazing mom AND… (fill in the blank)
I have had clients who changed careers after becoming moms, ones who decided they wanted to quit and stay at home for at least 2 years, and also clients who negotiated part time contract with their employers. I had clients who went back to work and travelled as before, I had clients who asked for no business travels for a certain time. THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY. The best way is YOUR way.
You became a mom and that only ADDS to your amazing and unique personality.
Let yourself dream big and create an exciting future, where being a mom doesn’t limit you but inspires you towards new possibilities.
I would have never became a coach (maybe), I would have never transformed into who I am today without PPD and all those challanges. Therefore I believe it to my core that becoming a mom is also an excellent opportunity to reinvent ourselves.
I now LOVE being a mom, I adore my kids and I also love having my self-time, building my business and becoming more and more who I meant to be.