Self-Care options +1

How to set Your boundaries?

I still wanted to add some thoughts to the Self-Care series, I hope it will come handy for you right before the holidays.

Taking good care of yourself also means that you can prioritize yourself, you can say no, you can ignore other people’s opinion and you can set boundaries consistently.

Let’s dive deeper what setting your boundaries means and what it should look like.

Who do you control by setting boundaries?

Yourself.

You create the boundaries for yourself to protect your space. You can’t control other people or their actions. You can’t control what they say to you, how they behave towards you... What you can control is how you react and what thoughts you have.

Setting your boundaries mean that you have a clear view on what you want and about what you won’t tolerate. It’s all about you and your deep values. Communicating this clearly to others mean that you express how you want to respect your integrity and that they are also aware of these boundaries.

How can you set boundaries consistently?

1.      Be aware of your core values

2.      Respect your core values by deciding what you tolerate and what not

3.      Be 100% clear about your boundaries, communicate them

4.      Be consequent and keep your own promises

How does it look like in real life?

Let’s say your husband shouts at you. You can’t make him do anything, setting your own boundaries mean that you tell him that he either stops or you leave the room, and consequently you do so if he doesn’t stop yelling.

Or take an other example, your mother in law constantly pops by without any notice. Setting your boundaries means that you tell her that it’s not ok and you would prefer that she asks first. You can’t make her do anything, but you can control your own reaction: not letting her in.

I know that this Christmas will be a unique one without big family gatherings, but pay attention how you say no and set your boundaries in your close family as well.

And finally – setting boundaries - is a good and healthy thing for everyone. You should encourage your loved ones to do the same. You don’t want to step into their „territory” either. It’s so much more joyful and balanced to have a relationship with someone where you can clearly express your desires and boundaries.

Have a wonderful Christmas-time and don’t forget that all your feelings are caused by your own thoughts so stop blaming your family even before you would start 😉

Focus on what you can give and how you can make this Christmas peaceful, happy and memorable.

XO