One great way to beat mom-guilt
Feeling guilty?
Feeling guilty has ZERO positive side.
There are negative feelings that are very useful and valid in a certain situation but there are also some feelings that has zero positive effect. Like guilt.
What do you do when you feel guilty?
What is the action that can be driven by guilt?
Let’s say, finally you have a night out with the girls or an evening with a book. If you don’t enjoy yourself but you feel guilty that you are not with the kids, or that you should do now something more productive… what is the positive side of that?
You don’t enjoy yourself and you won’t be recharged so your family won’t benefit either.
Or let’s take another example - you would like to build your business but you constantly feel guilty that your child is in daycare and that you are selfish to build your career. Are you more productive through the day? I don’t think so. Most probably you are distracted and your actions are less productive. Does your child get a better, more enthusiastic mom at the end of the day? I don’t think so either.
Our human brain automatically offers thoughts, but it doesn’t mean we have to believe them all.
When you have thoughts like:
I shouldn’t do this…
I should rather be with the kids..
I should do something more productive…
I’m a bad mom if…
I’m not a god momma if…
Which create guilt in you…, just notice them and decide that you don’t believe them.
The way you can say goodbye to mom-guilt – well not forever, because that voice will stay there, and you stay being a mom, but you will be able to control that bitch in you head – is to be super clear on your goals.
What do you want and why do you want it?
If you know and love your goals, it’s easier to manage mom-guilt.
Let’s say you want to build your business and guilty thoughts are coming up. You can let them pass by thinking on your family, on your customers, on how a great role model you are for your kids, how much you are able to provide them…or anything that feels great and valid and shows you your WHY.
Try this in your own situation. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing (working mom, stay at home mom… ) just observe the guilty thoughts and choose the think of something else, which is more empowering.
You know how much I’m an advocate of Self-Care. I think it’s also deeply connected to mom-guilt. We don’t take enough of self-time because we always have these thoughts in our head that we shouldn’t, we should do something else… I think we act wisely if we do take care of ourselves even if we have those thoughts (which are normal, we just need to learn to manage them). Just think about it. When you give in to guilt and you don’t prioritise your self-care, you get more and more frustrated and stressed.
What is then the result? Most probably you are going to be impatient and grumpy with your family after which you will feel even more guilt.
I could go on and on and share examples, but I want to keep it short so I have your attention.
Please, please prioritise self-care, have some self-time, have your own dreams and if those guilty thoughts are coming, just let them pass and be prepared with thoughts that will make you feel confident and determined why you are working on those goals, why you deserve that evening, why it’s ok to do whatever you are doing.
If you have concerns about how to do this and how to manage those thoughts, I can help. Reach out to me and we will figure it out.