THIS one belief can kill your self-esteem
And your experience of motherhood!
Cutting to the point: The belief is - “I’m not good enough”
When you’re constantly questioning yourself and doubting yourself you’re:
taking yourself out of the present
undermining your self-confidence
directing your brain to seek evidence for this negative thought
creating a negative habit/belief which can turn into a vicious cycle
Let me walk you through HOW.
When you think a thought enough of times it becomes automatic. That will be your belief. The human brain likes to be smart so it will collect you all the evidence for proving that thought. It can look like you’re comparing yourself to “perfect moms” on insta or to a mom at school who seems to have all figured out. Every time you’re finding the evidence why you’re NOT like that.
When you’re with your kids and think you’re not good enough, you most probably try to overcompensate and either be too permissive or overload yourself with extra activities, which will result in your overwhelm and overstimulation.
When you’re with your kids and this sneaky thought comes up in your brain it’s impossible to stay present and enjoy whatever you’re doing, because instantly you’ll look for what else you should do… “OMG they should stop watching this video” “They should be rather outside on fresh air” “I should enjoy this roleplay”
And when you finally go to bed and would like to sleep in, your brain kicks in and you’re lying there full of anxiety questioning your day, the choices, and whether you did enough.
When you believe you’re not good enough, you haven’t done enough…. what do you do?
Most probably you try to do m0re, try to do better so you can finally feel “good enough”.
This is the vicious cycle.
Since feeling “not good enough” didn’t come originally from what you were doing or not doing, it came from the belief that “I’m not good enough”, doing MORE won’t solve the problem. It will only leave you overwhelmed, exhausted and you will keep doubting yourself and your capabilities.
Your kids don’t need a perfect mother, they need a happy one.
What if you’re already good enough? You’re doing your best and that IS enough.
Any time you catch yourself thinking “I’m not doing enough” “ I don’t know how others are juggling it all” “I just can’t balance these all” stop right there and remind yourself that you don’t want to strengthen this belief.
So how to change this belief, how to change “feeling not good enough”?
By changing the belief itself - one great tool for that is to actively search evidence for the contrary ;)
By changing the automated response - which can be selfdoubt, anxiety… and rewiring a new desired response into your unconscius (we can do that during a Change Session)
If you’re reading this blogpost before 5 Dec 2024 then join us in the upcoming free webinar, in the “Good Enoughness Retreat” so you can break free from feeling “not good enough” and connect with your confidence. I won’t hold anything back, it’s going to be a juicy, refreshing retreat to your soul, mind and body. (Yepp, you’ll actually FEEL that expansive, sparkling enoughness)
If you’re reading after that date, then write me an email so you can have the recording of our wonderful “retreat”.
Xoxo