How to have more TIME
AKA the curious ways of TIME.
Put your hand on your heart and answer honestly. How many times (a day:D) do you say “I don’t have time”?
Let’s talk first about the nature of time, how you can have a better relationship with TIME instead of this scarcity that you never have enough… then we’ll go into WHY you have to have self time and finally HOW you can do that. Sounds good?
Let’s go.
What is time? How to THINK about your time?
I’m sure you’ve heard many times that we all have the same 24 hrs so there is no excuse that one is succeeding and the other loser just keeps having the excuse not having time…
Even me (mea cupla), I started teaching time management to my clients with this mindset, because technically it’s true and therefore it potentially can help us see our time with less drama and more objectivity. BUT.
Now I changed my mind (yes you can do that). And I say… FUCK That. Because it doesn’t feel true when you have kids. When you’re in your twenties and you have all your energy and time to yourself… that’s completely different from being a thirty/forty something mom having ALL the responsibilities of motherhood while also trying to juggle everything else.
Also when you have all the financial means and support (like the Kardashians or whoever you think of), which can buy you time…it’s just different from a “normal” life.
So, that’s the base line. It’s not your fault that you keep repeating “not enough time” “don’t have time”
But.
Here comes the other BUT. Time is very curious and we can use it now for our benefit. Think about how 2 minutes go when you have to hold your plank or talk to a person you don’t like… versus how 2 minutes go when you hug your little one, you have a datenight…
Those 2 minutes feel totally different in time.
How come? They are both exactly 2* 60 sec. Because it matters how PRESENT you’re, it matters how you FEEL, it also matters how it affects you energetically.
So instead of waiting for long hours to free up in your calendar, drop the expectations that certain things should take certain time. Maybe that 10 minutes is exactly ENOUGH. Maybe that 5 mins breathwork is exactly what you need and is ENOUGH.
The other way to think about TIME is to focus also on the QUALITY of that time.
Several clients who had a hard time carving out self time for themselves had this stupid costruct in their head that with that they take away time from their kids. (hello momguilt)
What if it’s not true?
What if… spending quality time with your kids after you also recharged matters more, than spending X hours with them while you feel drained?
Because that’s the point of self time.
You have to take time for yourself so you can give. What happens if you don’t?
You feel exhausted, drained and therefore can’t participate fully
you get easily impatient, frustrated
hard to manage your emotions and you often yell
feel stressed and overstimulated (momrage)
Familiar?
It’s NOT your fault! You’re simply a human who needs to rest, who needs to recharge and when you don’t do it… your body will show the signs.
How to have more time?
The first answer to this questions is to change the way you think about self-time as per above, why it’s CRUCIAL.
Taking time for yourself isn’t luxury it is essential.
I had several clients lately who wanted to yell less, to manage their stress and overwhelm so they came for change sessions. We did several rounds of rewiring and they felt amazing and calm. The interesting part came after the second session. Some of them were done and could practice the learned tools on their own, while some came back that they still feel that rage boiling in them.
One thing was common with the ones who came back. They were drained, exhausted, juggled it all alone. (no babysitter, no real support from partner) They didn’t have selftime.
Taking time for yourself IS essential. It gives you the opportunity to regulate your nervous system, to recharge your batteries, to be able to handle your own emotions. It benefits EVERYONE.
And I KNOW, I know we don’t have all the 24 hrs to ourselves… but here comes the trick. You can find the time to recharge when you drop all the shit about
taking that time from your kids
not asking for/ or hiring support
momguilt
mental construct how self-time SHOULD look like
When you have self-time, you’ll be more patient, more present and you also break the Fcking cycle of martyr-motherhood who sacrificies herself and then shows that terrible example to her kids.
As a summary;)… you can have more time to yourself when you
think differently about having enough TIME
think differently about your self-time
think differently how much time you need for a certain thing
change the way you FEEL about self-time
It’s completely OK to respect your current life circumstances (having a newborn, several kids, rough period etc..) and take 10 mins walks, 3 mins breathing exercises, 1 minute to shake your body and regulate your nervous system. AND when you feel the pull that you want something (a massage, a girls night out, reading a book…) then you don’t tell yourself anymore you don’t have time, but you plan for it, ask for support and organise it.
Last but not least think about how the family will have time for the 2nd, 3rd… etc kid. It’s not that they were having plenty of freetime and were chilling with the first child with massive extra time, but curiously the other kid(s) will be taken care of.
So the way you MAKE time for your kid(s), now prioritize your own self-time and you WILL have time for things which truly matter to you. Your way.
If you need support with figuring out a balanced time-management for you - I can help you. Book a free consultation with me and let’s bring more TIME into your life.
I can also help with rewiring your brain if you would struggle with momguilt regarding your self-time.
Your balanced life starts here-> book your free consult now.